2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
