it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
