My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
