Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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