I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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