I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How naked do you want me to be?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
