Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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