Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
