i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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