How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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