We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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