I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
