can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
