I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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