she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
