Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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