She said her name was "party"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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