I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
God I need to hump something, right now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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