dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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