So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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