69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
