you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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