The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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