is your mom at the bar?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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