I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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