Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
