It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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