So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
