I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
