You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
