i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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