K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
