i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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