Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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