I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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