if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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