No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
