Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
