he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
