I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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