this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
