Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
