i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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