Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
