the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
