I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
