You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
