I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
