My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
