wrigley field is MILF paradise
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
