Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
