I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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